I’m tired.
I’m frustrated.
I don’t know what else to do.
We used to be so close.
Now he pulls away from me.
He keeps things from me.
He no longer confides in me.
He resents me somehow,
Blames me for things.
He thinks I’m too hard on him.
He pushes me away.
He won’t open up and let me in.
I helped raise him, he was my life.
I gave up so much for him.
I sacrificed dreams and life.
I would do it again.
I love him.
He is my life.
I would do anything for him.
But he wants nothing to do with me.
Every time I open my mouth he rolls his
eyes,
Or lets out a big sigh.
He makes me feel like I’ve done nothing
but wrong.
He makes me feel I failed him.
I feel like I ruined our relationship.
I know I was hard on him at times.
I didn’t want him to make the same
mistakes I did.
I took it hard when he would travel down
that path.
He can’t see it.
But where is the line?
I’m his brother, but his father died long
ago.
I’ve had to be a father figure.
All he wanted was a brother.
He used to think I was cool.
He’d look up to me and hope to be like
me.
Now he strives to be everything I’m not;
To be as different as can be.
He breaks my heart daily, and I fear I
broke his long ago.
I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t know
what to do.
I try, but it always goes sour.
He won’t tell me what the problem is.
I’m lost without a clue.
All I want is my brother back.
I fear it’s too late.
He holds the key, but he doesn’t speak.
No matter what I do, what I try it’s
wrong.
I pray this is not the fate of our
relationship.
I pray there’s more that can be done.
But things look bleak.
He’s a teenager.
I’m nearly thirty.
We are worlds apart.
But that never mattered before.
What did I do?
What have I done?
What can I do?
Anything?
I don’t know.
Every word is the wrong word.
Every action is the wrong action.
I’m drowning, longing for what was once
there.
No preservers are thrown. I drown.
Send me a safeguard; a lifeline.
Help me, please, I don’t know how to
swim.
But if he were to read this he would sigh
again.
He would think I blame him.
He would take it as a guilt trip.
I don’t want him to feel guilty.
I feel guilty.
I just want to fix it.
I want my brother back.
I’m so cold here in the water alone.
Drowning.
But what can I do?
He stands there on the shore watching.
He thinks I’m being dramatic.
He doesn’t see the pain and agony in my
heart.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m lost.
No hope.
No rescue.
Soon I’ll be gone.
Then what?
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
