Myth Conceptions

Until my "situation" is resolved I figured I'd post the column here and then also post it there if the opportunity arises. Plus I think a couple of you out there might get something out of this week's:

Myth Conceptions – The Road Less Traveled

By Brant W. Fowler

I’ve been reevaluating things of late concerning a number of issues. Am I on the right path? Is this what I want to be doing? And if so, am I going about it the right way? I’ve been asking myself those kinds of questions.

Relating that to comics is very easy. I read on a friend’s blog recently as he attempted to reach out to another friend who is having doubts about his own comic related path and it got me to thinking. I’ve contemplated following my own dreams, or not following them many, many times over the years, and I’ve gone back and forth with them.

I won’t rehash the whole story as I’ve done it here before, but I stepped away from comics for several years following other paths, and I came back. Not because I couldn’t let go of what many consider a childish habit. But because I really do have a genuine love for the medium, and there is no other escape like it. Sure, I love movies and novels as well, and I enjoy hanging out with friends and family. But there’s just something in comics that connected with me early on, and through thick and thin it stuck with me.

For me, this not only applies to comics, but to other passions and dreams in my like as well. But this is a comics column on a comics website, so I’ll stick to the comics for now. But like any other dream, there will always be a battle between reality and the dream; the logical and the emotional. It’s not an easy battle, and not everyone survives the struggle, especially when loved ones are involved.

I wouldn’t recommend to anyone to put your dreams and goals above your friends and family per se. But I also wouldn’t recommend to anyone to lock your dreams away forevermore because of them. I have a lot of talented people in my family. Some are athletes, some are musicians or singers, others are artists, and so forth. Almost none of them are living their dreams, and while they do have some happiness, you can see that bit of emptiness left from unfulfilled dreams. It wasn’t always their choice not to pursue their dreams, but circumstances, fears perhaps, and yes, loved ones taking priority, which is all understandable.

As for me, I vowed early on not to be like that, and that was a bold declaration for one such as me. I was a quiet kid who kept to himself and didn’t socialize a whole lot. I won’t give you the sob story behind all that, but suffice it to say that I wasn’t inclined to open up too much, nor was I apt to show off my talents all too often. But I still set in my mind that I would never allow myself to fall prey to the same things my family did, regardless of whether their reasons for doing so were just or not.

But I did.

Other responsibilities, family, church and other things in my life began to take more and more precedence over my own dreams and goals as I grew. I convinced myself I could put them on hold for a while and come back to them, which is a dangerous trap that far too many people fall into. As time went on I had lost some of the passion I had for those dreams and had persuaded myself to follow the advice of others and take a different, more sensible path. The only problem is I was never happy doing so. And that led to problems.

Fast forward several years and I find myself getting older and opportunities passing, and dreams fading away. I began becoming more and more unhappy. I had some people through the years support my dreams and try to urge me to follow them, but the key people I was listening to in my life at the time were not so supportive, rather the opposite actually.

I then began clinging to little pieces of the dreams, but feeling like it was just a way to stay connected, yet never really fulfill my potential, or my dreams. That wasn’t satisfying enough. I then went through a period where I felt it was too late, as we all do when we’ve waited what we feel is too long.

But then it happened. A glimmer of hope. Just a tiny sliver of light that peaked through to let me know it was still possible. Just an opportunity that turned into two, then three, then kind of spread out from there. And I was on my way to at least approaching one of my many dreams: comics.

Am I where I want to be yet? Not even close. Am I enjoying where I’m at though? Immensely. I’m not making as much money as I have at my last three office jobs, nor do I have benefits or a fancy house or anything like that… yet. But I am far happier than I ever was following a path others set before me that I was never completely comfortable in.

I no longer feel like it’s too late, nor do I listen to the people who tell me to be realistic and that these are pipe dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I would do what I needed to do to support myself, I’m not stupid. But I’m one of the idiots who truly believes I can make a good, comfortable living doing what I love to do, using the talents that God gave me. And I don’t care about the statistics or the logic that says I’m wrong. I know great things can happen if you work hard and really have passion and determination to reach your goals. Without getting too preachy on this pedestal, the Bible says “dreams come through a multitude of business.” And I fully intend to keep reaching and keep applying my craft until my dreams materialize.

Bottom line, if you are truly passionate about working in comics, then you’ll find a way to make it work. Don’t neglect your other responsibilities, or your family. But don’t let that dream die. Because maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but someday you will look back on that dream and say “what if?” I’ve been there when I’ve missed certain opportunities, and I never want to experience that feeling again. Just to add to my quotes and clichés, “live life to the fullest”. And as my friend’s blog says, “There is no someday, and tomorrow never comes.”

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on…” ~ William Shakespeare, The Tempest

20s No More

Well, it's official. This is the day. I am no longer in my 20s, having crossed the threshold into a new stage. For today I am 30.

Though there is some debate over which day it is, the 20th or the 21st (I've heard both), I'm considering today also the first day of Spring. I am told the year I was born the 21st was the first day of Spring, and it's a story I'm sticking to. How awesome of an idea is it to be born on the first day of Spring, when new life is thought to begin? It symbolizes a fresh start and a new beginning, a new chapter in life. So what could be more fitting than that, I say.

Purely coincidentally this day, and technically this post marks my 500th post on this blog! It wasn't planned or premeditated, it just sort of happened that way. No big announcements to share per se, but isn't being my 30th birthday and the first day of Spring enough cause for celebration? I say it is.

And yes, you read that right. I said celebration. Not necessarily for turning 30, but for it marking a new era and fresh start, and beginning the rest of my life, as of course every day should and does whether we want it to or not.

Contrary to what you may have derived from previous posts, turning 30 never bothered me. It's a number, and it means one more year older. That doesn't bother me. My whole ordeal was being where I'm at by this age, not being this age. There are goals I have not yet met that I certainly thought would have been met by now. And there are things I was hoping would have changed for me by now, but haven't.

But this is not a day to think on those things. Those details are concerned with the past and what could have been, whereas today is a day of looking forward and opening oneself to the possibilities of what lies ahead. So it is with that that I embark on a new journey to discover not what could be, but what can be, at least for the day putting aside concerns over what lies in the path blocking those things, but concentrating on those things themselves. Those goals, dreams and aspirations that lie just over the horizon, just beyond the obstacles, just a few steps away, however large those steps may be.

This is a day of rejoicing for the good and positive things that have come to pass in my life thus far. For the people who truly stood by me, for the accomplishments I did achieve, for the steps that were taken, and for the love I have received.

Fifteen years ago, half my life ago, my brother was born. He has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my natural life thus far. I helped raise him and we formed such a bond between us that I had never experienced with another human being. Now he is in those teenage years, soon to be 15 and is into his own things and somewhat distant like all teenagers can be. But that bond still holds strong, and he is still the best thing to happen to me yet aside from God being in my life of course.

At 16 I had my first girlfriend, first serious relationship and first kiss (I was a late bloomer in the looks department - kind of awkward before then). It was an experience I will forever cherish regardless of how it all turned out.

I also had my first job at that age at Chuck E. Cheese's. Yes, I even donned the suit and danced a jig once or twice.

And I graduated high school this year as well. Long story, and I did end up having to go back for three months the following year to make up some tests.

At 18 I got my license (long story), which opened up an entirely new world to me. I could now take myself wherever I wanted to go. And I mostly went alone as everyone was too scared to ride with me!

18 is also when I accepted the call to preach, a call that has been sidetracked a few times over the years, but one that has not been forgotten by any stretch of the imagination.

On my 21st birthday there was a church outing - a get together at a gym where there was food, basketball, skating and other fun stuff. I didn't go instead opting to sleep in. It was my day after all, and the church I had been at since I was 8 had only remembered one of my birthdays up to that point, that being my 16th. So I decided I wouldn't be missed and would have more fun being by myself. Turns out I was missed as my pastor's daughter, a girl I had previously been crazy about for a number of years, but hadn't for a couple went all out. She made me a cake and dressed up in one of her best outfits at the time and made a big deal out of it. I hear she was pretty ticked I didn't show up, but she never let me know it. I still grin about that when I think about it. :)

One week later I started college (struggled for several years figuring out what I was going to do). I should have went to a more specialized college, maybe art or maybe a college that offered degrees in English or graphic design, but I went to a business-centric school where I studied Computer Science and ultimately Business Administration. I hated both and still do to this day, but it was not a waste. While I didn't go hog wild and party I did meet a few very special friends in those days. I've lost touch with them now, but they were great friends at the time and I couldn't have made it through without them.

At age 24 I got my first real job making more money an hour than I had ever made, and that's stayed pretty consistent since only with a couple of deviations. I absolutely hated the job with a passion, but I met some of the best friends of my life there. Again, I've fallen out of touch with them for a number of reasons, but they are the ones I miss the most. They showed me the kind of friendship I had shown others but had never really received myself. They were very special to me.

It was also this year that I went to Florida looking at apartments heavily considering moving there, both for work and because there were opportunities there, creative opportunities, that I wanted to explore. Ultimately reasons kept me where I'm at, but that was the funnest year of my life.

I also dated a girl this year that started off as a hangout buddy, and while we parted ways she was the best girl I have had the pleasure to have a relationship with to date. She was one of the kindest and sweetest persons I've ever met, and she thought the world of me. Sadly we were at different places and it didn't work out, but I'll always cherish the time we spent together.

At 26 I "preached" a benediction for a graduation service. Two of my Sunday School students were graduating high school, one who I'd known since she was a year old. It was a very moving moment for me to be able to deliver this. I choked a little, but all in all it went pretty well.

At 27 or 28 I did a video in one of those booths to a soundtrack at Kings Island (an amusement park in Ohio) and it was played for everyone there to see. I got some amazing feedback from it and even dropped the jaws of some family members. I had only previously sang in church, and mostly not alone. So they hadn't really heard me sing before that point. It's a moment in my life I'll never forget.

Nothing really significant or memorable has happened past that point that I immediately recall, though I'm sure there's at least one or two things I'm forgetting. But there were good times then as well.

Today is a new day to explore new things, to move on and move up and stop looking back. Those mentioned are the kinds of moments I wish to remember on days like this, and the countless little moments that happened in between.

So again I say, this is a day of celebration. To celebrate life, to celebrate opportunity, to celebrate change, hope, love, passion, dreams, desire, faith and so much more. For those reasons I rejoice in this day that the Lord hath made. I embrace the newness of life and a fresh beginning. I accept the challenge to go above and beyond, and to cling to the same hope that has brought me this far.

Today is my birthday.

B-Out